Monthly Archives: March 2011

I Ain’t Afraid of No Coasts

The signature was illegible, and the investigation had come to a complete standstill.

Detective Cupper knew this could be the murder of the century…if only they knew what the signature read.

Cupper needed a break in the case. He took the shirt to forensics to have it, and the signature, analyzed. It wasn’t looking good.

Forensics held the jersey under UV light. What they found shocked everyone: it was entirely covered w/scrawl in invisible ink!

Cupper knew of two street gangs that used this ink: the B.Co and the Trops. Now they needed an insider in each gang…He called…

Ghostbusters, knowing that they would be able to channel Tupac & Biggie from the beyond. They were notorious B.Co & Trops experts.

Peter, Raymond & Egon got to work. They started playing “Mo Money Mo Problems” & “California Love.” Forwards 1st, then backwards.

The Ghostbusters heard nothing when the tracks played forwards. But backwards? Venkman heard what could be Cupper’s big break.

Was that his gf’s voice on the track? He’d know that voice anywhere! What was she whispering…?

He slowed it down. “Go down to the pier,” his girlfriend’s voice said. “Go down to the pier?” Venkman asked. “What does that mean?”

He knew of only one pier within 100 miles: the rickety one on her parents’ estate. He wondered what she wanted him to find there.

Venkman got to the pier, but he saw nothing. Then a lightbulb went off. “The invisible ink!” he yelled. “Just like on the jersey!”

But the only way to see the ink was complete darkness and a black light; there was only one way. As he started to smash the bulbs…

..he heard a man’s voice. “Detective Cupper?” Venkman asked. “Is that you?” He couldn’t see a thing, so he turned the blacklight on.

the pier became eerily quiet and dark. Out of nowhere, a voice bellowed from behind him: “I have what you came for.”

From the shadows emerged a face, but not his gf’s. His foster dad, the one that abandoned him on Highway 59.But who was behind him?

Next to Venkman’s foster dad stood Shonn Green himself, wearing the very jersey Cupper had brought to forensics. How on earth…

…did he get onto the pier sitting in this wheelchair? And why were both legs in casts? Venkman turned the light to the casts and

gasped! Written on the casts in invisible ink was the name of the murderer, written in plain cyrillic: Дана Барретт. Venkman looked

…at the Cyrillic to English dictionary app on his smart phone, and he couldn’t believe his eyes. “Dana Barrett? Noooo!” he cried.

Venkman knew he didn’t have much time. Running past his foster dad, he wished a quick “get well” to Shonn, & he was on his way.

Venkman rushed over to Barrett’s apt, which he knew from his days busting ghosts. While on his way, he dm’d the address to Cupper.

Cupper had passed out at the forensics lab. His phone buzzed in his pocket & startled him. “How long was I asleep?” he wondered.

He missed the entire investigation. He wiped drool from his face and hopped in the car to go to Dana Barrett’s Central Park apt.

Cupper DMd Venkman back. “Biggie & Tupac can RIP now that we solved the case! The East/West coast rivalry is over! Good job!”

Venkman’s phone wasn’t on vibrate, so it rang when the DM came thru. From inside, Dana heard it & tried to escape out the window.

(Which was surprising, considering Dana lived on the UES of NYC. Apparently ring tones are louder than city traffic and sirens.)

Dana had tapped into Venkman’s phone, which is why she could hear it. The alert gave her time to flee, but her windows were stuck.

Venkman arrived at Dana’s UES apartment, armed w/his proton pack. Cupper ran in with his chiming smartphone. They apprehended Dana.

Dana fell to her knees. “I did it!” she cried. “Why?” asked Venkman. Her demeanor changed. “Dirrrty South fa eva” she said.

THE END

Thanks to @foiledcupcakes for the Shonn Greene photo that started all this off. And to @nella22, @foiledcupcakes @thatgirlmari and @feliciacago for helping me write this one. So strange. So funny.

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Filed under @feliciacago, @foiledcupcakes, @nella22, @thatgirlmari, Biggie, Ghost Busters, Jets, Shonn Greene, Tupac

TGIF (Thank God It’s Fixed)

Time was of the essence. If someone didn’t disarm the mainframe, the country of Jimmer would be doomed.

“I have to think fast. I got it! I need to get to Steve Urkel’s house. He’ll know what to do. I just hope he’s not Stephan.”

Steve had more knowledge about mainframes than anyone. Stephan, not so much. The fate of Jimmer rested on a set of suspenders.

Balki headed to the Winslows. His cabbie wanted to take the Edens. Balki knew better. “Don’t be ridiculous! No time!” he screamed.

The cabbie said, “Oh! The WINSLOWS! I thought you wanted to go to the Appleton’s in WI!” With that, he swerved over to the Kennedy.

Balki texted Eddie Winslow from the cab. “Mainframe not doing gr8. Need 2 talk 2 Steve. U kno where is he?” He hoped he made sense.

Eddie texted back. “Huh?” Balki’s fear was confirmed. Eddie was not the brightest, but luckily his sister happened to be there too.

Laura slapped eddie on the head. “stop acting like waldo geraldo fardo! we need to take this to dad – STAT.” off to CPD they went.

At the station, they found Carl and told him about the mainframe. “Balki’s stuck in traffic, and we can’t find Steve,” cried Laura.

Carl called Harriet to see if Cousin Larry Appleton had ridden her elevator today. He knew more about mainframes than even Urkel.

She said he was on vacay. “He was going to Swimmer.” “Swimmer?” Carl wondered. Then it dawned on him. Larry was already on Jimmer!

Could it be that Cousin Larry was responsible for the mainframe? Carl had to do something. “Who’s coming to Jimmer with me?”

Out of nowhere, Steve texted back. “Stuck at Rachel’s Diner w/Stephan. U2 can borrow my suspenders if U need 4 trip 2 Jimmer.”

Carl, Laura and Eddie hopped in the squad car, went to Steve’s house, got the suspenders and headed to Jimmer. They meant business.

Pulling into Jimmer was an art:the dark alley was narrow & u wouldn’t want to run over a current transaction”Is Phillipe here yet?”

At Jimmer, they found Steve dancing with Cousin Larry. Balki was nowhere to be found. “He’s probably stuck in traffic,” said Larry.

Carl gave Steve his suspenders & he disarmed the mainframe. Jimmer was saved! As they celebrated, Balki finally showed up.

THE END

Thanks to @arzubusiness, @foiledcupcakes, @thatgirlmari and @nella22 for helping me write this one.

And to every BYU fan, sorry for jinxing Jimmer. But since we got to hear from the Family Matters and Perfect Strangers casts, it all evens out.

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Filed under @arzubusiness, @foiledcupcakes, @nella22, @thatgirlmari, Family Matters, Jimmer, Perfect Strangers

Stu and the Voyage to Spalding

Behold Spalding – a distant planet only reachable by 2 spaceships, a jetpack & a short teradactyl ride.

But Stu had never ridden a pterodactyl in space before. He couldn’t even spell it. Undaunted, he began to type it into Wikipedia.

Stu sounded it out. “T-E-R…No. T-A-R…no. Ugh. Where’s the silent ‘P’?” Luckily, the search box autofilled as he typed.

Autofill was too smart for Stu, as it loaded search results for TARSOMETATARSUS. “How do I turn this frickin’ autofill off?”

Knowing how long it takes to get to Spalding, Stu decided learning to ride a TARSOMETATARSUS would be good enough. He had to leave.

“Where do I find the first spaceship?” he wondered. Stuck in NYC with TARSOMETATARSUS in hand, Spalding seemed light years away.

He meandered across the Brooklyn Bridge where he saw @bigspaceship. A web designer, Stu went inside to see what it was all about.

Inside @bigspaceship, he asked Lebowitz if the rainbow of skittles would lead him to spaceship #2 to officially begin his journey.

“If by Spaceship #2 you mean the satellite office in Chicago, why yes, it does,” Michael replied.

Stu went to @adlerskywatch & caught the 2nd spaceship to @fleetfeetchgo to get his jet pack. TARSOMETATARSUS in hand, he was ready.

He fired up his jet pack and left @fleetfeetchgo, hoping that when he arrived in Dallas, the TARSOMETATARSUS wouldn’t let him down.

It didn’t, & he used it along with his t-shirt, to form a kite & soar to Houston, where he could finish his voyage to Spalding.

With his new TARSOMETATARSUS t-shirt kite guiding him, Stu made the short trip from Houston and descended upon Spalding.

Stu’s TARSOMETATARSUS t-shirt kite landed perfectly on Spalding, and he exhaled in relief. Stu’s journey was finally over.

THE END

Thanks to @thatgirlmari, @foiledcupcakes and @Chrisa_Hickey for writing with me. And thanks to @bigspaceship, @adlerskywatch and @fleetfeetchgo for being perfect pit stops for Stu on his voyage to Spalding.

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Filed under @adlerskywatch, @bigspaceship, @Chrisa_Hickey, @fleetfeetchgo, @foiledcupcakes, @thatgirlmari

Higher. Higher and Higher.

The teleporting vessel stared Mel in the face. Were the myths of power true? He was about to find out.

As Mel stepped into the teleporting vessel, also known as the “waffle shoes,” dark clouds began to fill the sky.

Lightning began to strike as frigid rain fell from the clouds. mel was picked up by a strong gust of wind, carrying him higher.

Mel kept being lifted higher. Higher and higher. Just then, he heard this lyric in the distance. “Is that Bette Midler?” he asked.

Mel reasoned, it must be an auditory hallucination, a side effect of teleporting in his grandmother’s shoes. She loved Bette.

Grateful that his grandmother lined the vessel with odor eaters, Mel laced himself in and put the vessel in hyperdrive.

As the G-force made his lips flap faster than a hummingbird’s wings, Mel could still hear Bette. “Is that ‘The Rose?'” he wondered.

Peering over the side of the vessel, Mel was shocked w/what he discovered. “The true power comes from the Wind Beneath My Wings!”

Mel couldnt understand why Bette was here but she was, waiting in a strobe of light dressed in red. “Welcome Home Mel.”

In this dream he was Sophie Frederica Alohilani von Haselberg on a crazy Tay al-Ard. What had the sufi given him to prompt this?

“This Tay al-Ard is crazy!” Mel/Sophie screamed. Bette tried to calm him/her down by belting out “From a Distance.”

But it didn’t work. Melphie wanted to teleport home. S/he climbed into the vessel & commanded “Fly against the sky!” Off they went.

When they got home, Melphie was ecstatic. So was Bette, who started singing, “Thank you! Thank you! Thank God for you!”

THE END

Thanks to @brianpinkley, @AlondraAlkaline, @jsetlak, @ParkRidgeDDS, @thatgirlmari and @nella22 for collaborating with me on this story. And of course, thanks to Bette Midler for being Bette Midler.

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Filed under @AlondraAlkaline, @brianpinkley, @jsetlak, @nella22, @ParkRidgeDDS, @thatgirlmari, Bette Midler, teleporting

Decisions, Decisions

It was cold as Harold awoke from his slumber. Staring blankly ahead, he knew he had a choice to make.

“Pancakes or toast,” he thought.

Since discovering he had a gluten allergy recently, the decision was more about which would cause less pain than what tasted best.

Harold made a pros and cons list. “If I eat pancakes, ” Harold thought, “I’ll throw up.” “If I eat toast, I’ll throw up.”

Angered by his inability to eat foods he once loved, Harold swung his feet out and dropped them on the cold floor, sighing.

Shivering, Harold lit a fire in the corner. He continued debating pancakes vs. toast, thinking about warm syrup vs. melted butter.

Apparently a lack of nutrition had atrophied Harold’s brain, for he had no fireplace. As his home burned, Harold fled to his car.

Now more than ever, Harold needed comfort food. He drove to @thepeninsulachi for Sun brunch, hoping for french toast AND pancakes.

While waiting for brunch at @thepeninsulachi he spotted his old buddy Gerald. “Hey Gerald” he yelled. “It’s your old buddy Harold.”

Gerald barreled toward Harold and knocked him clean off his feet. “You have some nerve showing your face around here!” he screamed.

From the floor, Harold looked up at Gerald and said, “But Gerald, I didn’t know you’re married to Carol, brother of Daryl.”

Harold then watched in peril as Gerald ate Harold’s pancakes and french toast.

THE END

Thanks to @WowBao, @Chrisa_Hickey, @foiledcupcakes and @adelamiz for contributing on this one. And to @thepeninsulachi for being a featured location.

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Filed under @adelamiz, @BaoMouth, @Chrisa_Hickey, @foiledcupcakes, @thepeninsulachi, decisions, food

Two Brothers at Sea

Two Brothers

Once upon a time, two brothers went on a journey in search of a way to find separation.

One brother said to the other, “I’m sick of how you copy everything I do. Can’t you be more original?”

Floating on the Gray Sea, the second brother replied, “I’m sick of how you copy everything I do. Can’t you be more original?”

And the second brother said, “But I thought imitation was the highest form of flattery!”

Brother one responded “but not when it comes to my wife. you know she can’t tell us apart.”

The first brother thought & thought, and then did something completely unexpected. & original He threw brother #2 off the boat.

But since brother two was still connected to brother one, he also fell overboard. They floated in the sea while watching their boat sail away.

As they continued floating down the Gray Sea, brother two responded, “Wait…that was YOUR wife? Ummm…I think we need to talk.”

THE END

Thanks to @foiledcupcakes, @BaoMouth, @ParkRidgeDDS and @bitesizepr for contributing to my first story.

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Filed under @BaoMouth, @bitesizepr, @foiledcupcakes, @ParkRidgeDDS, Brothers, Fairy Tale

Follow @OnceUpon140 on Twitter

This thing will work best if I get a lot of people interacting. So follow me on twitter at @OnceUpon140.

Once I get a decent following, I’ll start my first story. And decent could mean 50 people, or maybe 100. Or maybe 10. Which might be more desperate than decent, but whatever.

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Filed under Info