This is the story of Wendy.
It was hard on Wendy, being a single, undead gal in the big city.
And her job at the Pumpkin Peeling Plant wasn’t fulfilling.
She was sick of it. So Wendy got dolled up, doing her hair and make-up, then set out to find a new job.
As the train rattled towards Vicksburg, she grasped her purpose in life. “I must
bring an end to the unethical farming and consumption of humans. It’s terrible for the environment.”
Wendy had recently become a member of ZETH – Zombies for the Ethical Treatment of Humans. ZETH was committed to…
…passing Prop-Hu23 in Congress, requiring farms to raise free range humans, thus abolishing the cruel conditions of the day.
Wendy got off the train at Vicksburg and immediately went door to door, spreading the word, getting signatures.
… and the occasional shotgun blasts from the homes of humans who had been hiding out, waiting until the inevitable …
6 hours, 8 signatures and 3 Human Gorditas later, she realized she needed to do something that would have a bigger impact.
Luckily, Wendy was also an accomplished singer. So she went to Vicksburg Plaza, where white collar Zombies took their dinner breaks.
Waiting for her cue, she peeked at a menu. Arm Tartar. Brain a la Mode, garnished with toenail. Intestines & Chips. She shuddered.
She cleared her throat and sang “Free The People Before We Eat The People” at the top of her lungs just outside Hüm restaurant.
The audience called for an encore & more brains, wanting her to sing yet again. This time she’d sing about the new law.
She’d prepared a doo-wop for this performance. “Anyone know how to harmonize?” she asked. Everyone just stared at her, zombie-like.
“I doo–” but as soon as Jacob said that, his deteriorating mouth fell off but…
…he kept singing anyways. He couldn’t enunciate. It was awkward. Fed up, Wendy leveled a shotgun at the crowd. “Now listen up!”
Suddenly, a squeaky voice from the back called out, “I do!” The sun blinded her she could not see his face.
So she pulled the trigger. Buckshot severed Danny DeVito’s right arm, but that wouldn’t stop him from harmonizing.
He had trouble holding his notes, though, because of his constant wincing. And that just made Wendy even more irate.
So she instead broke into an interpretive dance. It was magical.
She moved her arms back and forth, up and down, sideways. It was no surprise that the other zombies followed suit. It was Thriller.
As the Zombies did the Thriller dance, Danny DeVito and the rest of the humans saw this as their opportunity to escape captivity.
Danny and the others made a run for it, but the zombies didn’t budge. They were, well, in a Zombie-like trance.
The group of humans reached a field. DeVito looked over his shoulder, seeing Wendy one last time. “I always…
“…wanted to see her dance,” he said. “It was on my bucket list.” He kept running, surprisingly limber for a short, round old guy.
Like a fullback on the Packers he barreled through a field of zombie secondary dropped like bowling pins on a Saturday night.
DeVito and the rest of the humans kept running and running until they reached Mexico. They crossed the border, free at last.
So it’s been a while since I wrote a story, and I forgot how fun they are. I mean, we had zombies, the Thriller dance, shotguns and Danny DeVito. Too bad Rhea Pearlman didn’t make a cameo. But good for DeVito to escape and finally be able to live a normal life, albeit in Mexico. But hey – it beats living on an organic human farm. Right?
Thanks to everyone who jumped back in and wrote with me. I really appreciate it and hope you had a good time. @Chrisa_Hickey, @officerpupp, @hwtibbs, @Pawela04, @MusicAdamT and @melmo3 – you all are great. And a special shout-out to @AZHockeyNut, who wrote with us for the first time. Hope you join us again. Oh, and for those wondering, I took the photo myself on Halloween on my way home from work. He/She scared the crap out of me.