Category Archives: Bieber

Bieber Fever

He came and went as he pleased, jumping in and out of our lives. But who was this masked man?

We were all starting to feel nervous, because he’d pop up in the strangest moments. He seemed to be able to read our minds.

He was always around during birthdays and July 4th. Other events were unpredictable, yet it was always considered good luck.

His dress was unremarkable. Though he had appeared at so many celebrations, no one could ever remember what he wore.

This man, he went by the name…

… Reaper. Justin Reaper. He was the prettiest picture of death the world would know in modern times.

He was no man at all, but a manifestation of all four horsemen of the apocalypse: Social Media, Pop Music, Teen Crushes.

But the irony was with Justin Reaper, he hated death, to kill, to extinguish life. But that’s his job and it was killing him.

… and Teen Parents Living Vicariously Through Their Children. His presence meant the end times were upon us. And then the snow…

The snow led him to contemplate the lives he’d ruined, each like a single flake falling to the ground and melting into oblivion.

It was a time of reflection, of looking inward, and Justin Reaper hated what he saw. “I hate what I see,” he said to his friend…

…Jayden Blue Ivy Cent, the muse of teeny-bopper pop music.

“So change,” said Cent. “I can never change,” retorted Reaper. “You’re always saying ‘Never say never,'” said Cent. He had a point.

“Why do you say that, by the way?” asked Cent. “It’s the most oxymoronic phrase ever.”

Reaper shrugged. “Someone told me to.” With that mindset, no way he’d change. Jayden Blue Ivy Cent needed to stage an intervention.

Cent wracked his brain for an intervention specialist. He flipped on MTV and found… @DrDrew.

And he needed to gather all of Reaper’s friends. Which was no small task considering his mere presence meant imminent death.

Maybe it would be wiser to pick the friends already passed on. Cent called Tupac, Biggie and, for another point of view, Andy Gibb.

The intrepid trio suggested calling upon 140-year-old Dick Clark to help them on their quest – find the greatest song about death.

And then the first faint notes of Blue Oyster Cult’s Don’t Fear The Reaper broke the intrepid silence.

Reaper sensing what was going on, gestured crudely, yelling “haven’t I given you all more than enough damn cowbell?!”

“Sometimes a guy just needs a hug, a happy song and a nice cheese platter to share with his friends.”

Music hath charms to calm the savage beast. Reaper’s was infused with the peal of cowbell. A small, fatalistic smile lit his face.

And with great glee the Reaper shrieked, “No more cowbell!” It was the day the cowbell died.

And there was much rejoicing. But there was still the matter of Reaper’s job satisfaction–or lack thereof.

“You know there’s a gig bagging groceries open at the Piggly Wiggly?” Andy Gibb offered.

Cent stifled a giggle at the name. Piggly Wiggly. But Reaper’s eyebrows raised. “Tell me more, Andy,” he said.

Andy gazed past Justin Reaper, past Jayden Blue Ivy Cent, past Biggie & Tupac, even past Dick Clark. “The Pig,” he whispered,” is…

…ON TWITTER! Reaper paused, envisioning a nest full of rabid followers, favoriting and retweeting his (or The Pig’s) every word.

“Screw bagging groceries,” Reaper declared. “I can reign down death on shoppers everywhere via social media!” His grin widened.

Somewhere in Silicon Alley, a self-proclaimed social media guru scrolled through his Twitter feed…

He read the notification out loud, “Piggly Wiggly followed you”…

“I think I’m gonna like Twitter,” Reaper hissed, slyly drumming his fingers on his desk.

Justin Reaper handed his scythe to Tupac. “No need for this anymore. All I need is a smartphone and unlimited data.”

“Like I care. I’m already dead,” Tupac answered, dropping the scythe. But Jayden Blue Ivy Cent shuddered at what he’d enabled.

Just when all appeared lost, Andy Gibb piped in, “It’s cool, man! @ATT no longer offers unlimited data! Shadow dancing…yeah…”

Startled, Justin Bieber woke up sweating. His mom was bedside. “You’re okay, Justin,” she said. “You just have a fever.”

THE END

 

Interesting story. Not sure how I feel about contributing to Bieber Fever, so I guess the fact that he was actually responsible for killing people in this story makes it a little more tolerable. We should have had him kill himself. And his music. Then we’d all be happier. Well, except for the group Teen Parents Living Vicariously Through Their Children. They’re a force to be reckoned with. Okay, so this story went all over the place, but I was completely fine with it. I had already come up with how everything would end this afternoon, so I was just letting it go. Until it stalled. Then, BAM – Bieber fever. Get it?

Thanks to @kschaffs for supplying the photo. It definitely got people writing. And also, glad to have you involved. Hope next time you write too.

Thanks to all the writers – @nella22, who’s good for supplying the second line to a story about 89.7% of the time, @Robotstephe, whose sense of humor fits well with mine, @ShesAllWrite and @Chrisa_Hickey, who were having a personal back and forth toward the end, gabesphone_com, who was a first-time contributor and added a hilarious line right in the middle of @jsetlak’s patented triple-tweet that had me stuck on how to make it all make sense, @jsetlak, who triple-tweeted, @MusicAdamT and @MojoEnvy, who helped me kick Twitter and get it to work when their tweets weren’t showing up, and my old co-workers @TonyPawela and @elderberryjam, who humored me and wrote because I asked them to help out. Fun.

5 Comments

Filed under @Chrisa_Hickey, @elderberryjam, @gabesphone_com, @jsetlak, @MojoEnvy, @MusicAdamT, @nella22, @Robotstephe, @ShesAllWrite, @TonyPawela, Bieber, Biggie, Dick Clark, Ivy, Tupac

Justin Time

She cleaned the pool, mixed drinks & waited for her guests. The party was going to be off the hook.

Melania was starting to wonder if Donald had finally lost the plot with his latest design for Trump Copehagen.

“Have you finally lost the plot with your design for Trump Copenhagen?” Melania asked. He was combing his hair and didn’t hear.

Trump had bigger things on his mind: how to get rid of Melania, once and for all? He needed to call an expert, someone discreet…

Just then Ivanka stormed in. “Did you take my hair straightener again? That toupee will fall off once you jump in the pool anyhow!”

Donald nodded. Ivanka’s tirade was code for “I loosened the hinges on the diving board.” Melania wouldn’t be a problem much longer.

And thus something was indeed rotten in the state of Denmark. Poor Melania wouldn’t have long to enjoy her own party. But why?

Melania, a former Slovenian Olympic diver, was doing some ballistic stretches in the house. This would be her shining moment.

As guests arrived, Donald & Ivanka continued speaking in code. They couldn’t let Melania out Donald for being a Justin Bieber fan.

“Ut-bay I-hay ant-way ustin-Jay ieber-Bay o-tay e-bay y-may ool-pay oy-bay!!” Melania screamed into the phone while stretching.

Melania had been wanting Bieber for herself, and it floored her to see Donald fawn over him. But who was she talking to?

Suddenly, Melania heard a crash, followed by a deathly scream! She rushed downstairs and grew dizzy when she saw…

…Ivanka holding a bottle of Ambien. “Tired yet, Melania?” Ivanka asked. Donald laughed while fanning Justin Bieber on Facebook.

She did feel the need, and her guests still hadn’t arrived.”Sure, gimme two!” and as Ivanka slipped her two “Ambien”,some1 knocked.

Ivanka opened the door to find Justin Bieber’s mom holding a boom box. “I’m a little early, but I’m here to party!” she exclaimed.

As she threw back the pills with a swig of Trump Water, Ivanka shreiked “That wasn’t Ambien, and there are no guests because…”

“…Mrs. Bieber told them to go home so you can dive.” Melania was confused, but Donald didn’t care. He kept grooving to “Baby.”

“But I just put out the crudités & mojitos!” Melania said desperately to Ivanka. She started to panic, but just then…

Mrs. Bieber changed the boombox to “Never Let You Go.” Donald, Ivanka & Melania had a dance party. “Love this song!” yelled Donald.

mrs. bieber headed towards the pool. the others followed. ivanka said to melania, “you should show us your skills!” donald agreed.

Melania got on the diving board & started her approach. She leapt once, but the board buckled just like Ivanka and Donald planned.

Melania fell into the pool, screaming at Donald to help. He looked at Mrs. Bieber. “I don’t want to get my hair wet,” he shrugged.

The back gate opened. Justin Bieber came running in, and he dove in to save Melania. Donald squealed like a little girl. “Justin!”

Donald watched Justin, a former lifeguard, save Melania. His heart softened. He knew he could no longer go through with his plan.

He sat the Biebers in his boardroom. “Biebers – what you did today changed everything. Well, except how much I love your music.”

“I’ll always love your music. I want it around all the time. Melania doesn’t know yet, but we’d like to adopt you.” Donald smiled.

“Mom – can I?” Justin asked. She nodded yes, with a line he knew pretty well. “Baby, baby, baby, oh. Thought you’d always be mine.”

Justin leapt into Donald’s arms, still soaking wet from Melania’s rescue. Donald was happier than Ivanka when she got her 1st BMW.

Donald still couldn’t believe it. He mouthed to Melania, “Justin Bieber, our new son. Oh my god! Oh my god! OH MY GOD!!”

THE END

Thanks to @danielzarick for supplying the photo. And thanks to all the writers on this story. It was a good group – @kikiandkyle, @nella22, @foiledcupcakes, @jsetlak, @thatgirlmari and @FeliciaCago. Who knew the Trumps were such big Bieber fans?

Leave a comment

Filed under @danielzarick, @feliciacago, @foiledcupcakes, @jsetlak, @kikiandkyle, @nella22, @thatgirlmari, Bieber, Trump