There was no announcement, no warning, nothing. One morning, it was just there. But why? And what was it?
From a distance, it had the appearance of a grotesque gingerbread house, one that would haunt the dreams of kids and adults alike.
It was too late. The abstract structure was not art, it was an ad. USP’s had been seeping into their brains.
“Two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions on a sesame seed bun,” sang Igor, in a trance as he walked by.
With the sequence of words the structure started to come to life.
Roaring to life, sugar stalagmites punched up from the ground, and the unmistakable smell of confection surrounded the passerby.
Igor has longed to officially change the lyrics to, “two all beef patties special sauce, special cheese”. Now was his chance.
As Igor sang his revision of the classic, his James Earl Jones-ish voice began to shake the sugar walls of the structure.
As small cracks covered the structure, a haze of sugar crystals rose, filling the clearing. Igor found himself unable to see the
large statue of
the Chief Monkey. Igor knew that 80% of monkeys had never even seen this statue. It was a special day.
With complete reverence, Igor approached the statue. But, as he got closer, the hairs on the back of his knuckles started rising
at the sight of the group of monkeys quickly approaching.
He didn’t recognize them and signaled to Tango, the other sentry on duty. “Tango, head back to the village and find Marrick.”
80% of those monkeys had never even seen a person. Igor was getting nervous.
When Igor got nervous he tended to eat. Unluckily for him all he had to eat was
pie. He always carried a tin of French Silk. As the silky chocolate mousse slithered through his teeth, Tango arrived with Marrick.
“Can I have a piece?” asked Marrick. Tango was none too thrilled, considering the fate of the whole monkey population was at stake.
So Tango reminded Igor and Marrick what they were truly fighting for,
which is their right to manufacture and market their product “Anti Monkey But Powder®” to humans.
With it, they thought, they could change the world. But the statue had other ideas. No way was it going to
stop now. The statue has plans of its own and Igor’s teeth tingled, a sign of danger. But why now?
A earthquake earlier in the week apparently had woke up sleeping monkeys.
The earthquake was so large that it knocked over a chair. Scientists believe this is what caused the monkeys to wake up.
Mango Mama arrived. She had a pot of bok choy, tofu, scallions.”Dinner, dig in!” she yelled. Food smelled good, salty.
Igor, Marrick and Tango started eating, forgetting about statues and monkeys so they could enjoy a good meal. Meanwhile
sugar crystals started to melt and the monkeys want to learn to make fire
Mango Mama stomped in the room, yelled “Clear the table. Wash the dishes.” She whisked the pot away,emptied it.
Mango Mama worried, “Storms coming. Skies are angry.” A clap of thunder roared. Lightning lit the horizon.
As Mango Mama left the kitchen and Igor decided it was time…He knew it from this morning. Today was the day a monkey would
meet a real human. Igor was prepared and had read all about their habits. He quickly went to his room, he needed to warn
the others. But the other monkeys were too busy trying to learn how to make fire. “Guys!” Igor yelled. “What’s with the dancing?”
“Dancing?” Mango Mama began. “Is that all you see? Must you always be so duo-syllabic?”
“Duo-syllabic?” Igor retorted. “Must you always be so quinto-syllabic?” Igor was always good for a snarky comeback.
A shock rippled through Mango Mama’s mohawk. She reached behind her petticoat, and pulled out a tall
glass of pina colada.
She took a sip and offered Igor some. But he was too busy patting Mango Mama’s mohawk, wondering what else she might have in there.
With a unicorn holding the glass with its horn & a glowing rainbow mane hawk. At last!
Yes. At last. Igor had finally found the glass-holding unicorn with the glowing rainbow mane. He had been searching for it since
yesterday. It may be only a day to humans, but to monkeys, it’s more like 3650. Roughly. We never said monkeys were good at math.
His daughter asked him to look for it while she was watching Pokemon.
He lost the glass in a drinking contest to that damned unicorn. Who knew that lone horn would be the difference in flippy cup?
Beer pong was always his game to lose. If only he could convince
Mango Mama to partake in a game. He was certain he could avenge his flippy cup loss. He ran to his home and got some Silo cups.
Then 80% of the World’s monkeys showed up thinking it was a videogame pong contest.
Silo cups were unfortunately in short supply due to the jello shots made earlier that day.
The statue, watching all this happen, contorted. In the center arose a pristine, long wooden table with 10 cups on each side.
Igor went to one side of the table, Mango Mama to the other. Marrick played ref. “Game on!” he yelled. Mango threw the first ball.
She missed. Igor’s turn. He tosses his ball, and it goes right in the back corner cup. 1-0. Mango Mama chugs that cup’s beer.
She finishes chugging, slams the cup down & wipes her face. Mango Mama’s up. She tosses her next ball. Bam! Right in the front cup.
Wait a minute… Where did all the monkeys go?
The monkeys look on in anticipation as Igor chugs the beer.
Wait a minute… Where did all the monkeys go?
Mango Mama & Igor trade shots. He hits one. She hits one. He misses one. She misses one. And on until they’re down to one cup each.
The monkeys are riveted. Mango Mama’s up. If she hits this shot, it’s over. Igor will never be able to face his daughter again.
She takes her shot. It’s a high arc-er. The ball moves, almost in slow motion. Right at the cup. Is it going to go in?
With a plop it goes in. Igor hangs his head in shame until it bounces back out.
Apparently one of the jello shots made it to the beer pong game.
Igor didn’t care. Because now it was his turn. For all the marbles. Errrr…glass cup. Make this shot, and he can go home.
He throws his ping pong ball. It’s right on target. Could this be it? Could this be the shot that avenges his flippy cup loss?
As an extra surprise the winner flies home on the Unicorn with the rainbow mane.
And the ball misses! Having lost again he flips the table, downs the jello shots and walks away a sore loser.
So this story brought back memories from college. Monkeys, unicorns, crystals…wait. I mean beer pong and flippy cup. Yeah, that’s it. Our friend Igor could have had a happily ever after, except he sucked at drinking games. Too bad for him. Guess he shouldn’t have been so confident in his abilities. And the photo wasn’t too key in the story. Oh well. I tried to loop it in a little at the end, but let’s face it, beer pong playing monkeys are way more interesting.
Thanks to myself for providing the photo. Ha!
And thanks to all of today’s writers: @Robotstephe, who wrote early and late. @kevinegan80, who made a surprise appearance. @swanieson, who turned Igor from a winner into a loser. @hwtibbs, who brought Tango and Marrick into the story. @Guert, who has an infatuation with 80% of the world’s monkeys. @Pawela04, who jumped in earlier in the day, then came back with the sound of Mama Mango chugging her first beer pong cup. @AnalystQueen, a new writer (we love new writers!), who introduced Mango Mama into the story. @kvpops, another new writer (we love new writers!), who, despite the time difference between here and India and the cultural nuances was able to contribute. @nella22, who writes pretty much every single time, and helped keep the story moving when there was a little bit of a lull. @vnarvasa, who claims she was sober when she wrote her first tweet tonight, yet it made no sense. @1god, another new writer (we love new writers!), who made Igor have something to play for. and @rickmurray, whose MO seems to be to jump in late with a tweet just before going to bed, and this time, he brought college drinking games into the mix.
Good stuff. Thank you all. Like I said, I can’t do this without you guys.